I have often heard that women
are their own worst enemies.
It seems to me that there’s so
much truth in the statement.
For some reasons we seem to
compete with ourselves, dress for
ourselves, be jealous of ourselves and
look for the easiest way to out-do
ourselves. The PHD a lot of women
have is not from the academia, it is
the acronym for “pull her down”.
I say this for so many reasons, of
which here are a few:
1)Recently, the internet trended
with a naked woman being flogged
by another woman. The flogger had
caught the victim in bed with her
Aunty’s husband and proceeded to
disgrace, beat her and push her out-
side for public ridicule. Yes, adultery
is wrong, but since she chose to be
accuser and judge, why did she dis-
grace the woman alone?. What about
2) Also a few months back, another
video of the same type surfaced on
the net. A woman was seen accusing
her best friend of sleeping with her
husband. Again, where was the man?
3) For years, the widowhood saga
was a trend. Widows were being
forced to drink the bath water of their
husband’s corpses etc. The consensus
was that it was fellow women who
enforced the rituals. Thankfully the
matter is dying down.
4) In the office space, female bosses
are terrorists, especially to their fe-
male staff. Woe betides you, if you are
seen to be prettier than the boss. Your
job would be on the line.
5) In Church, the competition to
out-do ourselves in terms of fashion-
able wears, material things and even
being members of a society is quite
fierce. Women are ready to poison,
kill, maim or even use charms in
order to occupy choice positions.
During church society election, the
competition is usually fierce and
All these are not hidden; the women
are aware, either they play safe or
they join. Yes, it is fellow women who
come with sticks, brooms and stones
to chase a barren woman from her
It is the old woman in the village
who uses unwashed blades to circum-
cise young girls at puberty. A practice
so demeaning that the psychologi-
cal effects sometimes outweigh the
All the laws purportedly enacted
by men, against women are usually
enforced by women themselves.
This has to stop.
Madeleine Albright once said:
There’s a special place in hell for
women who don’t help other women.
Women need to support themselves
because only a woman would under-
stand the trials of another woman.
Let’s try and do the following:
1) Find your squad: Your squad
can be easily identified as those you
share a certain goal with. It could be a
women’s Church group, a book club,
a woman’s social club or a health club.
Women like to gather around them-
selves; find the one that would keep
you after all the euphoria has worn
off. Pay all dues and levies, actively
participate in all programs as much
as your time and family commitment
permit. Do not be a fly on the wall;
here today, gone tomorrow. Contrib-
ute your ideas and argue for/against
on issues to help the group grow and
2) Celebrate other women: Amplify
and celebrate fellow women, in your
circle, your parish, or group, who
have excelled in their chosen endeav-
ors. You, of all people should know
the difficulties in being female, so if
you hear or see one who has done
well, genuinely celebrate her. Dance
with her, wish her well, then learn
from her. I don’t know where jealousy
has done anyone any good.
3)Keep connections alive: Call up
old friends, school friends and chat
them up. The happiness you will give
and derive from this will last more
than a week. Every once in a while,
plan a picnic, karaoke hangout, a din-
ner and just make yourselves happy.
Alumni associations are great, plus
you will be giving back to society.