‘Earn your child’s trust’
The Matrimonial Causes Act, Marriage Act and other rules and enactments on Family, have provided and carved a niche for the absoluteness/ protection of the Child, in its entirety. One of such is, in the event where a marriage, with a child or children, is heading for the rocks, there must be constant compulsory talks between both parents, to ensure that the Child of the marriage is well cared for, in the midst of family disagreements. To this end, it is pertinent also, that a responsible parent should endeavour to do the following, amongst others; earn your child’s trust, so that any information can be discussed with you no matter how embarrassing or fearful. Also TRUST your child (Emphasis on TRUST); consciously build your child’s self-confidence; teach them (proper) names of body parts and their uses; as much as possible, try to limit the number of persons who have exclusive/isolated access to your children, at early stages of their lives; and mongst others, which is actually self encompassing and inevitable. Put your child/children on the path of religion at an early stage (to enable them know rights from wrongs, and eternal benefits and consequences, to wit).
Francis Oluwagbenga Job Christian; Legal Practitioner
‘Discuss sex education with your child’
There are various ways and means that our children can be protected from sexual assault. This includes build confidence in your child to the extent that the child will always be free to discuss secrets and private issues with you. By so doing one will get first hand information if such a child is at the danger of being sexually abused or assaulted; always make sure that your child dresses decently so as not to pass the wrong signals to sexual predators and do not send your child on errands alone to lonely places or areas especially where the child is not very conversant with the terrain. There are other ways to teach your child about the sacredness and sanctity of their private parts and why such parts are called ‘private.’ Do not be shy in discussing sex education with your child for it is better your child learns it from you than from outsiders; build confidence and boldness in your child to enable him or her report to you of any inappropriate passes or unacceptable comments or actions coming from people around him or her and above all, always imbibe in them the fear of God and the need to always be an obedient child and Christlike in behaviours, by so doing we have not only curtailed but reduced to it’s barest minimum the chances of sexual assault on our children.
Comrade George C. Ezezinne {D’baale}
‘Welcome their inquisitiveness’
Be involved in the child’s life: This can be basically done by showing interest in their day to day activities, which will surely make them to be free and comfortable with you to tell you whatsoever is bothering them.
Encourage them to speak: When they are certain their voice will be heard and taken serious , it gives them the courage to speak when something isn’t right. Let them be at home with you always. Welcome their inquisitiveness always and use yourself as examples to them, how much you confided in your mother and how she counseled you and how much her wise counsel has contributed to whom you are today. Give examples of children who had poor rapport with their parents, especially mothers and are living lives of regrets and stigma today.
Let them know they won’t get in trouble: Many perpetrators use secret-keeping or threats as a way of keeping children quiet about abuse. Remind your child frequently that they will not get in trouble for talking to you, no matter what they need to say. When they come to you, follow through on this promise and avoid punishing them for speaking up.
Encourage them to always say the truth and nothing but the truth and give them that assurance that nobody can love them more than you (parents). Reward them for opening up to you and respect their fears by not openly confronting their theatrics, but systematically tackling them, if possible in the absence of the children.
Give them the chance to raise new topics: Sometimes asking direct questions such as, “Did you have fun?” and “Was it a good time?” Won’t give you the answers you need. Give your child a chance to bring up their own concerns or ideas by asking open-ended questions such as “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Is Mummy/ Daddy asking too many questions/ being too inquisitive? Give your child the assurance to freely confide in you and uphold the confidence.
Be available: Make yourself available and spend quality time with your children. Where they have your undivided attention the gap in communication would be bridged. It is not enough to provide their material needs and deny them the parental care. Let your child know that they can come to you if they have questions or if someone is talking to them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable.
If they come to you with questions or concerns, follow through on your word and make out time to talk heart to heart with them. Teach your child how to talk about their bodies: From an early age, teach your child the names of their body parts. Let them know the names of their body parts as they are called and not renaming with any form of euphemism as in breast is breast not Bobby or boobs, vagina, not pussy, penis, not dick or John Thomas (JT) etc.
Teaching a child these words gives them the ability to come to you when something is wrong. Learn more about talking to children about sexual assault. Teach your child about boundaries: Let your child know that no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable — this includes hugs from grandparents or even tickling from mom or dad. It is important to let your child know that their body is their own.
Just as importantly, remind your child that they do not have the right to touch someone else if that person does not want to be touched. Let them know the differences between the public and private parts of their bodies. Know the warning signs: Become familiar with the warning signs of child sexual abuse, and notice any changes with your child, no matter how small. Whether it’s happening to your child or a child you know, you have the potential to make a big difference in that person’s life by stepping in.
Choose caregivers carefully: Whether it’s a babysitter, a new school, or an after school activity, be diligent about screening care givers for your child. Get to know the people in your child’s life: Know who your child is spending time with, including other children and adults. Ask your child about the kids they go to school with, the parents of their friends, and other people they may encounter, such as team mates or coaches. Talk about these people openly and ask questions so that your child can feel comfortable doing the same.
The Alternative: Let your child know the alternative action to take in case of any form of assault either defilement or rape especially with the girl child. Proper care and prompt action should be taken to avoid any unforeseen circumstances that may stigmatize the child later in life. The needful needs be done.
Lady Rosemary Iloba LSM Knight of St Mulumba.
‘Trust no adult with your kids’
Sexual assault is global menace, it now seems no adult can be trusted with your kids, except you alone. I think the first thing to mitigate it, is to orientate the child about sexual assaults, forms it can take, when to shout out, and the confidence to speak out. Secondly, don’t expose the kids by subjecting them to care of neighbours or untrusted care givers, not even religious leaders. As much as possible, schedule your time to make ample provisions for them at home, so they won’t have need to go out unguided.
Taiwo Thompson Olaniyi (Businessman)
‘Observe changes in their moods’
It starts with education. Adequate education on sexual boundaries makes a child aware of potential sexual predators. Then constant observation, when a child is being sexually harassed by an adult, it shows in their countenance. Observing changes in their moods and attitudes especially around a particular adult can guard against potential assault. Finally, openness to communication. If a child is able to communicate openly with his/her parents or any adults. Then sexual predators can be immediately identified and brought to justice.
Chijioke Fortune Obilonu, Parish Laity Council Secretary, St. Michael’s Catholic Church Ajaguro
‘Don’t leave your girl child with a male stranger’
This problem, has been a serious issue in Nigeria and globally, thus it needs to be condemned in totality. Let us take a short look at the definition Sexual: According to Oxford dictionary definition.: It is used to describe, feelings, activities etc that are connected with the act of sex or peoples desire for sex. While assault is defined as a physical attack on person which is considered to be a crime. Eg, A man has sexually assaulted and then kill a child. When we look at the two definitions, you will agree with me that whosoever that decides to have sexual intercourse with a child or minor has intention to kill. On this note, Government should look closely into this crime and mete out the right and strict punishment for offenders as a deterrent to others. However, as mothers, we have a lot to do in order to protect our children and wards against this cancerous vice that has eaten deep into our society. (a)Sex education to both male and female children, will help curtail this vice.Teach them what body chemistry means. (b) On no account should a mother leave her girl child with a male stranger without an adult. (c) Make thorough investigation before you employ a domestic help in your home. Those that employ the service of driver/ bike man etc to bring their wards from schools, should make sure they are accompanied by an adult. (d) Don’t leave your children with neighbours while going out, or send them to neighbourhood nanny you have not taken time to investigate . (e) Do don’t dress your girl child in a seductive way that will attract unnecessary attention eg, making them up like an adult. (f) Lastly we should always pray for our children, watch the company they keep and make sure we keep eyes on, uncles, brothers and relatives coming to spend some times in our homes .May our mother of good counsel, teach us ways to eradicate all evil vices in our society through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Mrs Opara Ngozi Scholarstica President, CWO St Micheal Parish, Ajaguro, Lagos
‘Your child should talk freely with you’
Protecting children from sexual abuse has to be a mutual agreement between parents, especially their mothers, and their children for it to be successful. This is not limited only to girls, boys are also susceptible to sexual abuse. Getting their cooperation can be successful or unsuccessful, depending on the approach adopted by the parent.
Children these days tend to react adversely to strong arm tactics so it’s imperative for parents to follow these 3 steps: First, ‘develop a relationship with your child.’ Developing a congenial relationship with your child is important and imperative for your aim of protecting your child, to work. Building a relationship with your child doesn’t mean going to the other extreme and asking your child to call you by your first name.
You’re not your child’s best friend, you’re their parents. So parents, some discipline should be present but not to the extreme that you ostracise your child. There should be boundaries whilst trying to gain your child’s confidence. Second, ‘Sensitively talk to your child about stranger, family and family friend danger.’ After developing that relationship with your child, now is the time to have that talk! Please you need to be sensitive about it because most children find it “disgusting” to talk about sex or unwanted attention, at any age until they are old enough to understand and or process it.
In Africa, our culture makes it difficult to leave our inhibitions behind when we want to talk about sex or related issues. As a parent, you will need to put this aside to protect your child from sexual abuse and assault. Anyone could be a culprit and your child’s life is ruined for ever. Your child’s safety should be uppermost in your heart. Third, ‘Encourage your child to be honest and free to talk to you. Ensure it is a relaxed conversation when they come round to speak to you.
Create an environment that encourages conversation, like in the car, going for a drink or a treat, just sitting and watching TV is enough too etc. Give them all of your attention and repeat what they have said to gain understanding and to show them that you are listening. Ask open questions, gently probing but not in an intrusive way to cause a withdrawal or reticence from your child. After listening, ask their permission to investigate the issue further and reassure them you will keep them in the loop.
If they say no, do not press them, wait for another time more conducive or relaxed to gently encourage them. However, ensure you don’t leave it too long, create an atmosphere for this. Don’t forget it was a traumatic experience if it already happened. Unfortunately, no parent can protect the child entirely, when they are not close by, even then, it could happen right under their nose.
The child could come in contact with these people through school, church, at home, in a friend’s house etc. Finally, As long as you have spoken to your child about how to recognise the telltale signs that someone is going to become a threat to them, you should rest assured that your child will come to you and tell you their suspicions. You must be able to identify when your child is telling tales but you must still be ready to gently react so they don’t think that you are not supportive and withdraw from you.
Impress on your child the importance of always telling you the truth. Find a secret word between the two of you when there’s danger or they perceive danger. An innocuous word but not easily identified as an alert word, would suffice. Most importantly, always let your child know and reassure them that you will always be there to protect them. Follow these 3 tips and you could never go wrong. Remember that both girls and boys are susceptible to sexual abuse or assault.
Hilaria Asumu, Worsley, Manchester, UK
‘Educate them to dress properly’
Ways to protect your Female child from sexual harassment. By educating them properly on how to dress, and how to be cautious of their surroundings. By monitoring their behaviour and actions. By exposing them to the bible, the ten commandments. Make them your best friend, by doing that they will not hide anything away from you. We should always show our female child love and tell them that they should be contented. Counselling is very important for our Female child. Princess Veronica Chinwe Adeone , Public servant
‘Be close to your child’
One can protect children from sexual assault by exposing them to sex education at a pretty early age. Being close to them by encouraging constant communication to enhance trust. Showing them love so they don’t seek attention from strangers who can take advantage of their innocence and above all pray for them and teach them to be God fearing. MC Luwy
‘Be mindful of their friends’
Assault is defined as an attack on someone which is mostly undesirable and unpleasant. For the context of this write up, preventing children from sexual assault will be addressed. Unfortunately so many children from when they were young became victims and growing up it affected them psychologically and emotionally.
It is unfortunate that a great fraction suffered this in the hands of even their family members. A lot of awareness was given to spousal abuse, which today has helped so many that would have died in the cold hands of their violent spouses; the same way I feel the first thing is to start educating our little girls as young as 2 or when they are able to speak that it is a no no for anyone including family to touch them in certain private places and they should report such if it does happen.
The teaching should be on-going as they approach puberty and in their teen years, as that is when they are susceptible to such assaults. Secondly, there is a need for parents to allow their children to be children and not overtake their childhood and youth age by indulging them to start looking like a young woman or man, when they are in fact still children.
Dressing like an adult, wearing of make-up, nails etc gives them an attractive look that draws sick perverts; especially seeing how fast they grow these days physically. Lastly, another way to prevent child sexual assault is by being mindful of the friends they keep and places our children go; that their friends are going somewhere or they are going to their friends does not mean it is a safe place.
Years back I heard of a young girl whose father was a medical doctor and mother a nurse, they were very busy that they hardly have time for the only daughter they had. Out of guilt I think, they allowed her to go to all her friends sleepovers, as always she went to another friend, whose brother assaulted her over and over. She was scared and continued to indulge in it until she became sexually addicted.
She skipped school to go to the guy who instilled so much fear in her and threatened to blow the whistle if she does not concede to continued sexual assault. So, with so much child sexual assault happening all over the world affecting even children as young as 2 years old, there is a strong need for parents to be more involved in educating their children about it, illustrating the warning signs they should not take for granted and report immediately.
Kenny Oyebade Igbaroola, Nurse, Houston, Texas. Assault is defined as an attack on someone which is mostly undesirable and unpleasant. For the context of this write up, preventing children from sexual assault will be addressed. Unfortunately so many children from when they were young became victims and growing up it affected them psychologically and emotionally.
It is unfortunate that a great fraction suffered this in the hands of even their family members. A lot of awareness was given to spousal abuse, which today has helped so many that would have died in the cold hands of their violent spouses; the same way I feel the first thing is to start educating our little girls as young as 2 or when they are able to speak that it is a no no for anyone including family to touch them in certain private places and they should report such if it does happen.
The teaching should be on-going as they approach puberty and in their teen years, as that is when they are susceptible to such assaults. Secondly, there is a need for parents to allow their children to be children and not overtake their childhood and youth age by indulging them to start looking like a young woman or man, when they are in fact still children.
Dressing like an adult, wearing of make-up, nails etc gives them an attractive look that draws sick perverts; especially seeing how fast they grow these days physically. Lastly, another way to prevent child sexual assault is by being mindful of the friends they keep and places our children go; that their friends are going somewhere or they are going to their friends does not mean it is a safe place.
Years back I heard of a young girl whose father was a medical doctor and mother a nurse, they were very busy that they hardly have time for the only daughter they had. Out of guilt I think, they allowed her to go to all her friends sleepovers, as always she went to another friend, whose brother assaulted her over and over. She was scared and continued to indulge in it until she became sexually addicted.
She skipped school to go to the guy who instilled so much fear in her and threatened to blow the whistle if she does not concede to continued sexual assault. So, with so much child sexual assault happening all over the world affecting even children as young as 2 years old, there is a strong need for parents to be more involved in educating their children about it, illustrating the warning signs they should not take for granted and report immediately.
Kenny Oyebade Igbaroola, Nurse, Houston, Texas.
