As regards resolution of family conflicts, the words of Pope Francis are very instructive. He says “Dialogue is essential for experiencing, expressing and fostering love in marriage and family life” (136). This is all the more so because no two persons are the same. Men and women, young people and adult, relate and communicate differently. Age and generational gap play a part in the way they communicate. They speak different languages and they behave in different ways. It is, therefore, important, that we take cognizance of the feeling and well-being of the other in the way we ask and respond to their questions, in the tone we use, our timing and any other factors or condition that can affect how well we communicate. And moreover, many disagreements between couples are not about important things.
Mostly, they are about trivial matters. What alters the mood, however, is the way things are said or the attitude with which they are said. This imperative is that we must be ready to Iisten patiently and attentively to everything the other person wants to say. It requires the self-discipline of not speaking until the time is right. Instead of offering an opinion or an advice, we need to be sure that we have heard everything the other person has to say. This means cultivating an interior silence that enables us to listen to the other person without mental or emotional distractions. Often, the other person does not need a solution to his or her problems, but simply to be heard, to feel that someone has acknowledged their pain, their disappointment, their fear, their anger, their hopes and their dreams.
• Most. Rev. (Dr.) Alfred Adewale Martins, Archbishop of the Metropolitan See of Lagos.
