By Fr. Bonaventure ASHIBI, OSJ.
The home is a very essential element in daily living, be it at the level of marital home or religious community. A writer once said that there is no happy home anywhere – if you see any, be sure they were made. Being a good person or being religious doesn’t make a good home neither does riches nor intellectual capacities make a good home. Marrying the most handsome man or the most beautiful woman does not guarantee a happy home either. What then makes up a happy home? A happy home is a function of mutual fulfilment derived from mutual selfless commitment to the marital union. The journey to a happy home starts with contentment and diligence. Happy homes are not meant for the selfish and the inconsiderate partners. Happiness is a choice but the price is not cheap. Only the humble and the broken can buy it. Like many other vocations most homes are wounded by fear, trepidation, bitterness and unforgiveness.
However, the vocation to matrimony is a profound commitment, a sharing in the cross of Christ, and a true imaging of the relationship between Christ and his Church. Marriage as a vocation should make the bride and groom tremble at the dignity and august nature of their call. Even our patron, St. Joseph experienced fear at the prospect of his vocation, as alluded to by the angel’s words to him in Matthew 1:20. When St. Joseph was faced with the sublime call to fulfill the singular mission entrusted to him, to be not only the husband of Mary but also the guardian of the Redeemer, he naturally experienced trepidation. Not only did he discover that his bride had been chosen to be the mother of the Saviour, but he was confronted with the possibility of being the earthly father of the long-awaited Messiah. St. Joseph recognized the wonder of that moment in salvation history and he was keenly and humbly aware of his own limitations and weaknesses.
Truly in the face of such an awesome vocation, one couldn’t help but tremble, even one as holy as St. Joseph. Although our own vocation as Oblates of St. Joseph is different from that of marriage, we will no doubt experience uncertainty and trepidation in our lives too. When we cannot see the entirety of God’s plan, we may become fearful of what our role in that plan might be. When we are given a new assignment by our superiors, a new ministry in the Province or Delegation, or when we are asked to serve in ways far outside of our comfort zone, we might tremble and imagine that surely such a task is not meant for us. Like St. Joseph, we might even question the nature of our vocation and mission before us. But instead of becoming paralyzed by fear, we are called, like St. Joseph, to place our trust in the Lord and to find peace in knowing that God’s grace will accompany us along the way. Indeed, as we imitate St. Joseph in his closeness to our blessed Mother, we might experience the same reaction as he did, a fear that perhaps we are not worthy, a fear that perhaps we are not capable, a fear that perhaps there is one better than us that should take our place.
In peace and tranquility though, we imitate St. Joseph in listening to the voice of the Lord revealed to us, in choosing not to fear, in drawing close to Jesus and Mary, and in allowing God to work through our littleness. There is without a doubt a crisis of relationship and family in modern times, a crisis that is as insidious as it is heartbreaking. The breakdown of the family has led young people to struggle to trust those uniquely charged with their care. This lack of trust bleeds into other relationships in their lives, including their relationship with God, and our young people in turn have an even harder time creating healthy relationships and understanding commitment. Consequently, they seek out intimacy and relationship in destructive and unsatisfying ways, either through sexual deviance and sin, alienation and isolation, or even through meager technological substitutes.
For the Oblates of St. Joseph though, we have the perfect example and antidote to overcome the afflictions of the heart that might assault us. The Holy Spouses, Mary and Joseph, found in their chaste love for one another, the most rewarding and authentic intimacy that creatures on earth can experience. As Pope St. John Paul II wrote of St. Joseph, the love between Mary and Joseph “proved to be greater than this ‘just man’ could ever have expected within the limits of his human heart” (Redemptoris Custos 19). Indeed, in his vocation as husband, St. Joseph reminds us that true intimacy and authentic love is found precisely in conformity to God’s will through chastity. As Oblates of St. Joseph, we seek out this genuine love in chastity that was at the heart of the Holy Family, first for our own wholeness and holiness, and then for the holiness and happiness of the world.
We must remain vigilant to the temptation to substitute authentic intimacy and friendship with cheap imitations that modern society tries to present. Like Mary and Joseph, our commitment to chastity is an invitation to authentic human connection and relationship, one that finds its grounding in our family spirit and our healthy community life. From Bethlehem to Nazareth, from Egypt to Jerusalem, St. Joseph was faced with challenge after challenge, and difficulty after difficulty. Yet as we know from scripture, his response in the face of such difficulty was prompt and faithful obedience to the indications of Divine Providence. As husband of Mary and earthly father of Jesus, St. Joseph sought to overcome each trial by listening to the voice of the Lord and by immediately obeying. Such an attitude can be difficult to embrace when we think we know better. And it becomes even harder when our hearts are anxious at all that is transpiring around us. But we cannot go wrong with humble obedience and with a tranquil disposition, even if things are not improving as quickly as we would prefer. Mary and Joseph show us by their lives that responding to crises peacefully and meekly is a sure path to growth in the spiritual life. From all said therefore, St. Joseph offers us a manual for a happy home or a community. Thus, imitating him one can initiate the journey to a happy home as well as religious communities.
