In recent times, the rate of reported domestic violence and death by intimate partners has skyrocketed. For the past five weeks, the sudden passing of Nigeria’s gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu has continued to elicit national outrage with wake-up calls in the fight against domestic violence. On April 8, the 42-year old died at a hospital in Abuja, Nigeria’s Federal Capital Territory. Her husband and manager, Peter Nwachukwu, a pastor, said she had been suffering from an undisclosed illness, but in the days that followed family members and friends alleged that she had died from injuries sustained from domestic abuse. Her death has left many Nigerians including top government functionaries, civil societies, religious leaders and law enforcement agencies heartbroken with vows to put an end to this menace.
The Editor, NETA NWOSU chats with Dr, Immaculata Nwonu-Ezeanya, Clinical Psychologist, Federal Neuro-Psychiatric HospitalYaba, Lagos on the surge of domestic violence in Nigeria, causes, health implications, impact on children, management of the psychological effects and other contemporary issues. Excerpts:
The issue of domestic violence has been on the increase lately in Nigeria, how did we get to this point?
We probably always had these issues living with us but underreported, but the advent of social media had made issues easily identified and amplified. The use of social media to disseminate information is now very easy for people to be aware of any happening around the world, including cases of domestic violence. However, the place of frustrations due to economic hardship and downtown cannot be undermined in this case. Secondly, poor parenting recently is a major factor as well. The poorly parented children of yesteryears are now parents who have little or no parenting skills, and they are indulgent and permissive. We see them giving their children psychoactive substances and allow them dance lap dance with opposite sex at tender age. Poverty and unemployment have contributed massively to this menace. Cases of domestic violence in the country took an ascendant swing, especially the physical aspect during the COVID-19 pandemic.
This was because many people were forced to stay at home and some lost their job and do not have any other means of escape, hence they were stuck with their partners. Suspiciousness or paranoid tendency: When trust is broken in a marriage it’s not usually a terrible one. The unverified cases of infidelity have been rated as one of the root causes of domestic violence in marriages. The spouse who feels cheated or betrayed would want to express his or her displeasure. Poor government policies: Our government does not have policies to checkmate the menace. When laws are not enforced and abusers are allowed to go scot-free then others are encouraged to toe that path. But when there are serious sanctions and implications for their misbehaviours, others will take caution. Undiagnosed mental illness is also a very serious factor here. Many are sick mentally but because they have not been diagnosed, we feel that all is well with them. Some have personality disorders or mental health challenges that need treatments but we say it doesn’t matt
Do you think that the economy, society, loss of value system affects and influences this problem?
The problem cannot be put squarely on the shoulder of the economy or society, these perhaps maybe a contributory factor. We have lost our values. As I earlier stated, the poorly parented children of yesteryears are now parents of today. Children of abusive parents grow with the notion that violence is the best way of life because these were their role models. . Secondly, and perhaps, some of these abusers, were themselves abused and traumatic life events have helped in changing their personality and they may have developed this psychopathic behaviour. Now, coming to the economy, the average family income and source of wealth is shrinking, this puts a lot of strain on many relationship. People who have low threshold for anger, will definitely act out and not knowing how to channel this anger or pain into productive use. They will constantly produce friction in the relationship. Furthermore, in most cases, men are usually more financially capable than the women and some of these abused women are dependent on these men to provide for them. Seriously, the Nigerian society is gender biased to some extent. This is because most families are patriarchal, leaving women mainly in the subordinate position in which they have to be subservient since it is assumed that the men are superior to the women. In some cases when women tried to speak up, you will see that friends and in-laws will talk down on these individuals because they view it negatively that the woman shouldn’t talk at all.
What is domestic violence? What form does it take? How can you spot the signs?
It is a pattern of behaviour in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over intimate partner. It is usually an intentional act and use of other threatening behaviour by one member of a household against the other. These abuses can take the form of physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats that impacts negatively on another person. On the side of women their weapons are usually verbal abuses, where they abuse their male partners mentally and they are as well very destructive. These destructive behaviours may range from frightening, terrorising, manipulating, humiliating, wounding, blaming, and hurting the other partner which sometimes are influenced by the unhealthy socio cultural norms. The issue of domestic violence can happen to anybody. It has no ethnicity or gender or religion, socio-economic class or status. In that case once the other partner puts you down in front of people that is a red flag. It could come in a situation where one uses intimidation or threats to coerce the other into doing something. Some would embarrass or make fun of the other in front of families and friends. Other signs may be; one, treating the other badly like pushing, grabbing the partner forcefully, hits and constantly deprives of one’s rights in the relationship; two, pressures the other to get involve in sexual acts which the partner finds repulsive; three, makes the individual feel that they are stuck in that relationship and prevents them from doing the basic things that they loved doing before the outset of the relationship such as visiting family members etc; four, blames all their negative action on alcohol or drugs and blames the partner for making them act that way. All these are red flags.
Why would a husband turn his wife into a punching bag in the first place? As a clinical psychologist what are your observations concerning this issue?
Mental and verbal abuse from women can trigger a husband to beat his wife. However, there is usually a genetic susceptibility to domestic violence because the traits are deeply ingrained in them, especially when individuals who saw or experienced violence while growing up do not take responsibility to deal with it either personally or with their psychologist. Other reasons are:
• Children who experienced physical abuse while growing up do not see anything wrong about it and this is where modelling comes into play.
• Men who have anger problems or poor impulse control.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder that is poorly managed makes victims perpetrators of domestic violence.
• Poor frustration tolerance. When people are frustrated, they take it out on others.
• Infidelity, when men are seeing other women, it makes them less tolerant of their spouse.
• Undiagnosed mental illness. When the individual’s behaviour becomes awkward either easily provoked or unduly suspicious of people and has not sought for a medical attention. It is usually a pointer.
What are the health implications?
The health implication of domestic violence on the victim goes beyond the immediate physical injuries they suffer at the hands of their abusers. The health implications range from mental, physical, sexual and behavioural effects. Being in an abusive relationship is detrimental to the individual’s overall emotional and mental health. The emotional and mental effects of domestic violence range from depression, sleeping and eating disorders, stress and anxiety disorder, self-harm, suicidal ideation or attempt and poor self-esteem. The devastating mental health problems like post- traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This simply means that the psychological, emotional, and social impacts of domestic violence can linger long after the violence has subsided, and even after the victim has left the abusive partner or environment. This is called post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the victims of domestic violence may not even believe that healthy relationships exist. Consequently, they might go into a new relationship with the same unhealthy expectations that they had previously. The post-traumatic stress could comprise intrusive memories of past abuse, for example, during intimate moments with a new partner, nightmares, communication challenges, and feelings of worthlessness. Furthermore, under physical effect, the individual may experience bruises, injuries to the head, eyes, abdomen, fractures, cuts, tears, punctures, blisters and broken bones or teeth, etc. the behavioural implication of domestic violence could result into aggression, risky behaviours such as alcohol use, and use of other hard substances, multiple sexual partners.
What is the impact of domestic violence on children? How do you manage such children psychologically?
The children are sometimes victims of the physical abuse and their mental and physical health are being affected according to research. These children will in the future become violent because that is what they have imbibed from their parents. Children who experience domestic violence could grow up to practice same. Some grow up to hate the institution of marriage. Research has shown that children who experienced domestic violence have poor self-esteem. They sometimes internalise the situation and grow up with guilt as if they are the cause of the problems in their parents’ marriage. It could affect their academic performance and general life competence because they lose faith in themselves due to low self-esteem. The children could also grow up being bullies in school and their neighbourhood. They could be poorly socialised, they have poor interpersonal skills and hate the opposite sex. Most of them grow up to become poor spouses in their marital relationships if they do not seek for help. These children are usually very defensive and this could alter their personality into disordered ones. The psychological management of children who experience domestic violence involves trauma focused cognitive behaviour therapy to help them get over the PTSD, cognitive restructuring to change the guilt and self-blame, self-esteem and resilience building.
In most cases of domestic violence, the female victims of domestic violence do not speak up but remain in these abusive relationship until they are sometimes killed; why is this so?
Women do not often speak out because, the society frowns at a single parenthood, making them appear as people not capable of handling their homes, so they pretend. Another important factor is the issue of a trauma bond (the emotional attachment), in most cases where the abuse is constantly being alternated with affection and intimacy, as a result of these repeated positive reinforcement which is not easily broken in an abusive relationship. Most women feel scared of their partner’s reaction. Most importantly because of the financial status of these women, they are afraid of not getting that financial support, especially for their children. Some believe that they can change their partners, through prayers for those who claim to be religious. The place of learned helplessness could also be a major issue. They could also be conditioned to remain there because they also saw their mothers being battered growing up. Identifying with the aggressor, they keep justifying the actions of their aggressor and play the villain rather than the victims – I am usually the cause of him abusing me. The abuser also emotionally manipulates them to believe they are the cause of the abuse.
How can a victim stop her abuser from further abuses?
It’s difficult for most women to leave the circle of abuse because of low self-esteem and poor economic empowerment. When cognitively the women know they are in a toxic relationship, and they have the financial muscles to take responsibility for them and their children, they walk out of such relationship. The victim can stop the abuser from further abuses by speaking out and reporting to the appropriate channel not minding the position of women in the society. Talk to people who can help, find a reliable support. The other way to stop the abuser is to leave that relationship either temporarily to a safer place – in terms of separation or permanently incase the abuse becomes life threatening. Some will realise their misdemeanor when the victims leave temporarily and learn to appreciate or value them more subsequently. But other chronic abusers will not change because the traits are deeply ingrained in them. Therefore, an urgent separation will be the way to go, if not, they will end up as statistics. Therefore, leave to live. It is better to be alive without a marriage than to die because of marriage. Finally, Seek help from the mental health professionals like Clinical psychologist and a host of others.
Is poor parenting of the boy child responsible for the high rate of domestic violence?
No! I would say that two things are the major causes here. There may be other factors, but two major ones are Modeling and Personality. According to research, male children who are exposed to domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their intimate partners and children when they grow up. The place of modeling is very important; children become more of what they see than what you tell them. When parents themselves have this problem, they may not be able to curtail it in their children. When a boy child is brought up with the mind-set of male supremacist then he will either physically or emotionally abuse his spouse. This could definitely be a major factor; this is because parents need to be deliberate about bringing up their children appropriately. When they don’t, the gaps could be evident. When these traits are observed either as supremacy mindset or aggressive tendencies and the parents are not taking deliberate steps to curb them it formed their personality- an enduring behavioural pattern. When a male child was made to believe they can do anything and get away with them.
As a clinical psychologist, how can you help victims manage the psychological effects of domestic violence?
The victims must first agree to be managed and that they have been abused in order to co-operate with treatment. Their treatment is synonymous to those of victims of trauma. The emotional hurts and cognitive damages are relived in the course of the therapy and managed through trauma focused – cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). This is because some of them come out with guilt feelings and depressive symptoms, those one will be attended to through cognitive restructuring. Some have bitterness and feel they have wasted their life and times. Some come out to hate men and the institution of marriage. Some become numb and emotionally unresponsive. Some are angry with themselves or the abuser and if not properly managed can lead to suicide or homicide. Some have lost their self-esteem and cannot believe in themselves any longer. All these issues will be managed appropriately in the cause of the therapy. Therefore, a detailed assessment of the situation via objective tests and clinical interview is very essential.
Do you have a recent data on rate of domestic violence in Nigeria today?
Not really. This is because people were not honest in reporting the cases of domestic violence. So it’s usually masked. Thousands of cases go unreported as some individuals push such cases under the carpet like family members and some religious leaders.