In communication, they call it “non-verbal communication” i.e. Words that are not verbalized. Words that are not communicated lie beneath the mind of the individual because they are there and not spoken out, it can show on the face of the person hiding the unspoken words. There are many signs of non-verbal communication. E.g. wearing sad faces, the manner one speaks or answers the other, how one greets a neighbour in the morning, and the new behaviour one exhibits to others. The person can be snapping at each other without any reason and waiting for an opportunity to ventilate one’s anger or feelings on someone who might be the cause of his sad mood or who might have misinterpreted him or her. It could be that one has corrected a neighbour and the neighbour did not like that correction and he keeps his grudges in his mind or hearts.
He nurses those grudges. As he does that, it shows on his face and behaviour and his manner of relating to the person who out of Christian openness, tells his brother or sister how he feels about an issue. How one reacts to issues has consequences.It affects human relationship. It makes one carry sad face. It makes him avoid the other. The unspoken word, if it stays too long and it is not spoken out, one day the sound will be like the sound of a volcano. Because it stayed too long to verbalize it many things will be said that day and the individual who meant well will be shocked to hear what is coming from the mouth of the person keeping things in his heart or mind.Those who cannot speak their minds bury many things in their minds. As they do such, they hurt themselves and cause communication-break down. Many a time, husband and wife make faces to each other because of little things said that are being misunderstood
.When clarification is not sought in time, it creates more problems in communicating to each other. Sometimes, pride makes it drag. Each is waiting for the other to take the first-step to negotiate. Only the person who understands life better will take the first initiative to talk. Human relationship is fragile. It needs proper handling and management. Love is a key to all human communication. In human relationship, there is need to confront each other. Confrontation is not negative. It clears the ground for better communication. It helps you know who you are and who others are.
It helps you to understand whom you are dealing with. Perhaps, his first reaction to you when you confronted him or her will help you know how to deal with him next time. But you should not be too cautious to say what you want to say otherwise; your relationship will not be friendly. Many people today hide behind clichés in communicating to others. They can laugh but deep down, they have something hidden in their minds. The past hurts create wounds in their minds and would not let it out and if let out in a negative way, it creates more damages in a relationship. We need to speak out what hurts us than to wear it on our faces. Believing that people will interpret our non-verbal expression on faces is a big guess. Wives that use sad faces to get something from their husbands or someone else are a poor way of negotiation. Wearing sad faces all the time can be psychological.
One needs to deal with it because we are born to be happy no matter how we look at life or interpret life or interpret what people say about us. One should know that he is a child of the universe. He is bound to be happy. If Jesus did not communicate his minds to us, we would not know God. If what he communicated to us hurts us, we will not grow. There was hostility between Jesus and the Jews because the Jews misinterpreted Jesus. Misunderstanding has been a human problem. But it is cleared with clarifications and trust is established.
• Monsignor Livinus Ukah is a Catholic Priest, Author of several books and Social Justice Advocate