Young adults have been tasked to live lives of loyalty, faithfulness, and acquire godly virtues and values, and not to bypass the sacred process of dating and courtship, nor involve themselves in the act of cohabitation which is not same as courtship. The charge was given by Most Rev. (Dr.) Alfred Adewale Martins, Catholic Archbishop of Lagos, while addressing Catholic youths, during the 2025 Singles’ Day and Lunch with the Archbishop, themed, “Finding love God’s way; discussing courtship, dating and discernment”, held recently at Catholic Church of Ascension, Ikeja, Lagos.
Archbishop Martin’s urged the youths to be trustworthy and responsible to attract good persons who would value them as future partners, as he asked them not to allow fear of any kind push them into destructive relationships. He reminded them that courtship is not just between two individuals, but two families, urging them to ensure they do not bypass this process by involving themselves in the act of cohabitation, which leads to confusion. “In fact, statistics show that couples who cohabit before marriage have a higher rate of divorce.
Why? Because they confuse intimacy with commitment”, he added. He said courtship that excludes God, built only on emotions of pressure, is like a house without a foundation, which collapses when the storms come. According to the Archbishop, “Courtship in God’s own way, is not about acting married, but about preparing for marriage. It is that time when people ask hard questions to test values. It is the time to say, I am here not to waste your time.
I am exploring marriage with you. Without clarity of intentions, we are playing with another person’s heart.” He cited the case of Ruth in the Bible, where Boaz declared his intentions to marry her before the elders, stating that true courtship is not a hide and play affair, but involves family, mentors and community. The Prelate charged young people on discernment, stating that in a world where everything is fast; people want fast love sometimes, adding that discernment requires waiting, and praying for the right person. “Remember that Jesus himself said in the garden of Gethsemane, not my will, but yours be done. If the son of God prays in this way before his mission, how can we pray in any other way as we plan to enter into marriage?”, he querried.
He advised the singles to search for love in God’s own way, by living right, adding that Ruth found Boaz because she was already living a life of loyalty and faithfulness. In his address, Rev. Fr. Oscar Obi, Director, Lay Apostolate Centre said finding love in God’s way means to experience and express love in a manner that is consistent of God’s own nature, stating that love is not merely a human emotion or feeling, but a participation in the very life of God. According to him, to find love in God’s way, in all relationships, among other things; one needs to make God the source and centre, embrace sacrificial giving and practice the virtues of love.
