In a bid to curb domestic violence and abuse, and promote good and happy family life, as well as a better society, the Family and Human Life Unit, FHLU Catholic Archdiocese of Lagos held its annual family conference to create awareness and solutions to the menace. The convention held at St. Anthony Catholic Church, Gbaja, Surulere, Lagos, had as its theme, “Strengthening marital love amidst the challenging realities of the modern world”, and was attended by priests, religious, lay faithful, facilitators and counsellors who spoke on various forms of abuse that exist among humans. Speaking on the occasion, Dame Bridget Itsueli, Coordinator, FHLU, said domestic violence has been a problem in families for a long time, as she added that men, especially use their physical strength to subdue their wives into full and servile obedience.
Stating that men suffer psychological abuse from their wives too, Itsueli disclosed that the incidents of wife beating are more prevalent, adding that current statistics show that about 50 percent of women suffer domestic violence and abuse. She said anyone regardless of background and gender can find themselves in abusive relationships, which include physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, sexual harassment and financial abuse. She advised anyone in an abusive relationship to speak in confidence to a trusted person, adding that if it is long term experience, the victim should start to make plans about how to move from the place of violence. Flora Gabtony, a psychologist, while recounting her personal experience, spoke on the effects of emotional and psychological abuse suffered by women and children in the hands of their husbands and fathers. She listed the ways out of voiceless violence to include increased awareness, promoting communication, seeking professional help, community support, empowerment through education, forgiveness and recovery.
Also sharing her experience after she had an autistic child, Solape Azazi, Founder, Cradle Lounge Special Needs Initiative, advised families to be supportive and not see it as the woman’s fault that a child is born with special needs. She added that children are gifts, and if God has decided to gift her that child, it means that there is something special about the child. For his part, Msgr. Bernard Okodua, Episcopal Vicar, Lagos Region, Catholic Archdiocese of Lagos, said though, there is no perfect marriage, domestic violence should not be part of any couple’s marital life. He advised those seeking annulment, owing to abuse in their marriage to consider reconciliation, as he added that the Church only takes alternative action when it becomes clear that nothing can change the person who is violent in the marriage. According to him, “We should explore all avenues to settle domestic or marriage issues before it becomes violent. And let us not take every violent action as a devilish one. Some are spontaneous and they are just once and for all. It is those that are permanent and no way to reconcile that we worry about. “In marriage people take vows.
A vow is more than a promise. You can make a promise and you break your promise. If you take a vow, God is involved in a vow. And it is dangerous to break a vow you make to God.” Martina Ozegbe, Administrator, FHLU said the unit is in the business of helping people and families get better, as well as curbing all forms of domestic violence in the society. Praying for strength for Christian men and women to be good leaders, she urged the men to lead their families as Christ leads the Church and laid down his life for the Church. For Fr. Victor Okhiria, he asked that people be persistent in doing what is right, as he urged parishes and people to pray regularly for children, especially those with special needs and their parents whom he said are passing through much difficulty.